Las Respuestas Científico
by Hayasaka.Shion
Summary: I, Szayel Aporro Granz, will deign to look upon a puny specimen such as yourself and answer your questions so that your feeble brains will make enough sense of them. Oh and if you can, would you mind bringing a mallet?
1. Letter of Invitation

Dear specimen,

I hope you will willingly submit yourself to my exalted experiments. I would _love _to tear you apart and- ahem. I write to tell you that I will be answering your feeble attempts at questions. Please leave those in a review. Anything goes, from M-rated to K-rated. Oh, and by the way, the M-rated words will have asterisks in them, as I answer in T-rated words.

Specimencerely,

Granz.

PS: I'd appreciate it if you preserved this letter. It's written in a special-edition Barbie-style ink.


	2. Question 1

_Curious asks: _Do espada need to take care of daily things, such as showering, pi**ing, etc.? And also, is it possible for espada/hollows to have se*?

_Szayel says: _Thank you for asking me that! Well, espada, or arrancar in general, are a lot like humans except for the no heart part. So we still sweat, and so we need to shower (quite often, in this heat). And we have a digestive system as well, only we eat souls instead of food. I hope that answers your first question.

And for the second part, yes, it is totally and completely possible. I know that for a fact. Because I am not gay. You hear me? NOT GAY!


	3. Questions 2,3

_Curious asks: _Umm... If it's okay, I'd like to ask a second question! Is Aizen Asexual? Or is he doing Gin?

_Szayel says: _You know, that's a damn interesting question... Sadly, I've tried to get Aizen's room on the cameras, but the damn kido won't let me. In my opinion, Aizen washes off his make up, stuffs large pillows right over his chest, and says "Gin! It's me, Ran-chan!"

I don't even want to imagine what happens after that...

_An admiring fan asks: _I'll ask the third question: So since we found out where your hollow hole is, will we ever find out where your number has been hiding?

Do the others know about your hole and number, if so how do they feel about it?

_Szayel says: _No, you will never find out where my number is. That damn number is not something I am proud of. So no!

And if any of the Espada knew about my number's location, they would conveniently die in their sleep due to a mysterious poison which leaves no traces.

I hope that answers your question, because if you start nosing about, you'll conveniently die as well.

Just kidding.

Or maybe not.


	4. Question 4

_A slightly insane fangirl asks: _I have a couple of questions if that's alright.

Firstly, I've always been curious, did you ever spike the tea? If you did, what were the effects?

Secondly, what's your favourite colour and why?

Thirdly, what do you do when you're not sleeping, experimenting or at a meeting?

Fourthly, will you marry me?

_Szayel says: _Firstly:*innocent face* Whatever could you be talking about?

Secondly: My favourite color is (predictably) pink. That's because it's the color of extremely de-hydrated blood. Which I really like the color and smell of. And anyway, I like pink because it's so gentle and the exact opposite of me. (Or is it?)

Thirdly: Umm... eating?

Fourthly: No. I'm already married. (But, if you haven't realized, my sword's name means _you will fornicate, _which means _you will do IT with a single woman while being married.)_

SZAYEL'S CORNER: I really wasn't expecting this many questions... but then that proves how large my fanbase is... Anyways, a random girl just came up to me while I was on a trip to the human world. So I brought her back to Las Noches with me. Oh, but then the clumsy woman tripped into the hollow-shark hybrid tank. Or maybe it was the mutant strawberry tank? I better go check... 


	5. Questions 5,6

_A slightly insane fangirl asks: _Me again! Firstly, your favourite book and why?  
Secondly, your favourite video game and why?  
Thirdly, what do you do when you're not sleeping, eating, showering, experimenting or attending a meeting?  
Fourthly, who are you married to?  
Fifthly, if a girl came up to you wearing nothing but ribbons covering things, what'd you do?

_Szayel says: _My favourite book? Well, it's (unexpectedly, I know) Jane Slayre. No, that's not a typo. Jane Slayre is a bloodier version of the original Jane Eyre. I like it because of the accurate descriptions it gives of zombie innards. And, for your information, I did NOT agree with the all-too-cheesy 'love' between Jane and Mr. Ratchester. I would've dissected Ratchester for keeping me waiting that long. (AHEM! That does NOT mean I am gay)

Secondly: I don't have time for video games.

Thirdly: You got me there. Most of the time I read (you have GOT to admire Agatha Christie – means and motive so carefully thought out) or carry out the Aizen bastard's orders. (still not gay)

Fourthly: Isn't that obvious? I'm married to the most beautiful female in existence! I'm married to... SCIENCE!

Fifthly: I would point out her poor taste and suggest that a see-through negligee would accomplish much the same effect. That is, if I even decided to talk to her.

And thank you for the never ending questions! They really give me something to do other than when I'm sleeping, eating, showering, experimenting or attending a meeting.

_Reduce-the-damage asks: _First: What are your thoughts on Orihime?  
Second: To you what or who would be the ideal experiment?  
Third: Favorite candy?  
Fourth: Has your hair always been pink?  
Fifth: How did you figure out your zanpakto? (you know what I mean)  
Sixth: And why did you make it very dramatic with the sounds?

_Szayel says: _Orihime? Who's that? Ah, but if you mean Aizen's human toy then I think of her as (surprise surprise) Aizen's human toy...

Secondly: Ooooh, that's a difficult choice to make... but then... I suppose I'd pick Urahara Kisuke... who knows how many more hougyoku's he has... and I'd really like to know if his hat displays neuron activity from being connected to his head from so long... and for Aizen to consider him an intellectual equal he has _got _to be smart...

Thirdly: I don't know if this classifies as candy, but Godiva's dark chocolate.

Fourthly: Yes. No doubt about it.

Fifthly: Uhhhh... well, I really don't remember... it's been so long... I suppose I experimented on it or something. (NOTE: That does NOT mean I uglified it like that asstard Mayuri. He commits zanpakutou abuse. I, on the other hand, am a pure zanpakutou lover and never lay a finger on them.)

Sixthly: I did not make it overly dramatic! It was perfectly thought out!


	6. Questions 7 to 10

_**A slightly insane fangirl asks: **_Hehehe, back again.

Firstly, is your number tattoo on your buttcheek?  
If the answer to that was no, is it on your foot?  
If the answer to that was no, is it on your...you know?

Secondly, would you ever dance at a meeting wearing high heels and a thong if one of the (more suicidal) espada promised they'd let you experiment on them for a day?

Thirdly, what kind of underwear do you wear?

Fourthly, what kind of underwear do you think Grimmjow wears? (I reckon it's Hello Kitty boxers.)

Fifthly, have you ever kissed a girl?  
If the answer to that was no, I could be your first?

Sixthly, what's the most interesting thing to ever happen to you?

_**Szayel says: **_No, no, and no. For Science's sake, why do you care where the damn tattoo is? Leave it alone!

Secondly: Depends on the Espada in question, but probably I would.

Thirdly: Plain white.

Fourthly: Close, but not quite. He wears Hello Kitty boxers with a blue background, and the kitties are all bleeding, stabbed to death, or severely wounded. I think he made that himself. (And no, I don't know this because I've been in his pants. I. AM. NOT. GAY. Get that through your heads!)

Fifthy: If mouth-to-mouth resuscitation counts, then yes. Other than that, no. And I highly doubt I will be doing so in the next three to four centuries. Because I don't have time for women and the emotional baggage they bring.

Sixthly: Aizen! (I might hate his guts, and a whole lot of his other body parts, but he did give me all this equipment)

I'm looking forward to more questions!

_**Kyrial Halcoryn asks: **_...Have you ever heard of GLaDOS?  
(If you haven't, please don't look it up. I think if you ever built something like that the science rating would be through the roof, and far too much for humanity to handle.)

_**Szayel says: **_I don't normally pay much attention to human world discoveries, so no. But then I guess I've already built something like that sometime ago...

_**Reduce-the-damage asks:**_ Back again for a third time,

Does the term tentacle porn mean anything to you?

Do you ever drink, if so how often?

What do you do with the plushies of your victims you made in your release form, afterwards?

If given the chance would you like to dissect a talking blue hedgehog?

On a scale 1-10 how annoying are Lumina and Verona?

Have a nice day.

_**Szayel says: **_If you mean that cheap stuff that men in the human world watch, then yes. I don't know why they watch it though... maybe I should conduct an experiment on that...

Yes, I do drink, but rarely and in stressful times. Like when an experiment has gone wrong, or I have to follow orders I don't like.

They disintegrate automatically when I come out of my release form. Though if I had a choice then I would collect them all and arrange them in order of production.

I've already dissected lots of talking blue hedgehogs. (Quite easy to make them, you know...)

Lumina and Verona? They're... eleven out of ten. Straight through the roof.

And thank you for the questions! If this keeps up, I might actually tell you people where my tattoo is!

_**Curious asks: **_Curious again! Okay... we all know Aizen plays the fence, but what about the other espada? Do they... Bat for their own team? Or are they straight?

_**Szayel says: **_Do I look like I want to die?


	7. Questions 11,12

_A slightly insane fangirl asks: _I have returned!

Firstly, who's your favourite Espada (not including yourself)?

Secondly, how many more questions until you reveal the placement of your tattoo?

Thirdly, what else have you eaten BESIDES your Fraccion?

Fourthly, what colour is the sky?

Fifthly, have you ever been drunk?  
If yes, what happened?

Sixthly, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?

Seventhly, your favourite animal and why?

Eighthly, what are Lumina and Verona's Ressureccions?

Ninthly, your favourite song?

Tenthly, what is it that makes you so perfect?

_Szayel says: _Firstly: I don't like any of the Espada much, but I suppose I like Ulquiorra better. He doesn't bother me.

Secondly: Oh, I dunno... it might be one more or one hundred more...

Thirdly: Is that an insult? I've eaten lots of other thing besides those two damnable idiots! Like scrambled eggs! And dark chocolate!

Fourthly: The sky is whatever color you want it to be. Light is made up of oscillations. Humans perceive those oscillations as colors. Match the color you want the sky to be to your dead (blind) spot, and it will be so. (PS: Bonus points if you recognized the reference!)

Fifthly: Yes, I have gotten drunk on more than just one occasion, but I usually lock myself in my room whenever I decide to drink. Because I am not what you call the 'natural drinker'. Of course, that isn't exactly safe. Once I somehow unlocked myself and, according to Nnoitra, laughed continuously for three days. Of course, it's Nnoitra's word, so I can't really depend upon it a lot.

Sixthly: Aizen! (I really hate superiority and stuck-up-the-ass-ness)

Seventhly: Animal? I don't really like animals... but I suppose you could say I have a thing for

Eighthly: Ooooh, you don't want to know, but since you're a slightly insane fangirl, and _my _slightly insane fangirl at that, I'll tell you. Lumina and Verona turn into cake and a full-course French gourmet meal in their released form. And no, it's not as pathetic as it sounds. The food is poisonous so that you die a horrible death while hallucinating yourself being killed in the worst way possible over and over while you actually die. And duh, it's not poisonous to me.

Ninthly: Song? Song? Oh, a song! Well, for some reason, I really like Naraku by The GazettE. The tune is absolutely addicting, though the lyrics are hardly relating to my situation.

Tenthly: My perfect body, my soft hands, my personal half-loneliness and my attitude towards life. Hope that answer helped.

_**Reduce-the-damage asks: **_Me again :D

what is it like in hell?

Would you be satisfied with an unlimited amount of dark chocolate?

Do you drive, what kind of car if so?

What is your age?

Would you be interested in experimenting on Ichigo and meeting his inner hollow along with Zangetsu?

_**Szayel says:**_Hell? Oh, yeah, hell... it's quite an interesting place, I'll give you that. And it's not half as bad as what you humans tell it to be. Hasn't it ever seemed weird to you that hell had fire? If that was so then shouldn't heaven have ice as well? Anyways, I'm unstoppable when I get started on that topic, so I'll be stopping now.

Me? Satisfied with an unlimited amount of dark chocolate? No way.

Of course I drive, but then my driving skills aren't really the best of the best, so I do that rarely. Any car works for me.

My age? Who cares about my age? Am I not awesome all the same?

Experimenting, yes. Meeting, no. From what I've heard, Kurosaki Ichigo's hollow is a serious pushover, and I'm not exactly suicidal.

Aaaah, it always makes me feel lovely, answering all your questions after a hard day at work... Keep up with the questions!


	8. Questions 13,14

_Amaterasu Ai asks: _Hey, Szayel-san! First question!

Where's your '8' tattoo? Is it like on your leg or something? Yes, I'm gonna keep asking this until you answer, Szayel Aporro Granz!

Second off!

Why do you hate your brother Ilforte so much?

Third off!

Are you and Nnoitra awesome friends? Or was that thing against Neliel a one time thing?

Fourth off!

Where's your eight tattoo?

Fifth off!

What do Lumina and Verona taste like?

Sixth off!

Where's your 8 tattoo?

Seventh off!

Do you get to chose the location of your tattoo?

Eighth off!

May I ask the location of your eight tattoo?

D Until next time, Octava-San!

_Szayel says: _That's a long list… and quite a persistent one… But I'll try to answer that even though my centuries old program to create a cyborg capable of reproduction, emotion, dusting, cooking AND flying just backfired and died on me…

First: I. will. Not. Answer.

Second: I hate him because I hate him. Damn fool, belittling me like that… I don't give a damn what happens to him!

Third: Excuse me? Did Ii hear you right? _Awesome friends? _*calls out loudly* Lumina! Verona! We have one more for the dissection chamber!

Fourth: Like I said, persistent… but, hey, I like persistence. Even so… I. Will. Not. Answer.

Fifth: You seem to want to know the most unnecessary things… Lumina and Verona taste nothing special. Kind of plain actually, come to think of it. Like just plain rice.

Sixth: Persistence turns to annoyance… I'm. Not. Telling.

Seventh: No. Aizen does. Unless you're one of the top three brass, but that's just hearsay.

Eighth: No. You. May. Not.

Until next time, you say… Well, I can't say I won't be looking forward to it. See you~~~

_Youknow asks: _1. have you done an experiment om your self that have really hurt you?

2. do you consider your self controlled most of the id or superego (freudian psychology)

3. what are your thoughts on the relationship between Aizen and gin?

_Szayel says: _Note: grammar errors have been preserved. Now, here we go…

Every scientist has. It's the price one pays, or something like that.

Well, no actually. It's strange, but instinct just refuses to be overridden. I just can't say why…

And again, do I look like the kind of man who's addicted to suicide?


	9. Questions 15-18

_A slightly insane fangirl says: _I didn't review last time, did I? IM A FAILURE. A BIG FAT STUPID FAILURE ._.

So first question, have you ever dissected one of those?

Secondly, where's your tattoo?

Thirdly, if somebody you deemed interesting enough to experiment on told you to go and make a porn video with one of the espada - not including Halibel - and promised that they'd become your test subject for a day if you did it (a week if you made it go viral) who would you choose? ("I would not do it, despite how interesting the specimen is" or anything relating to that sentence is NOT a valid answer.)

Fourthly, have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?

Fifthly, favourite game console?

Sixthly, tattoo placement?

Seventhly, kill useless people quick or kill them slowly?

Eighthly, Mario Kart Wii or Dance Dance Revolution?

Ninthly, what is each Espada's favourite game?

Tenthly, tattoo placement?

Eleventhly, Zombies, witches, vampires, werewolves or fairies?

Twelfthly, Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Twilightsucks? (I'm on the third

team! )

Thirteenthly, what's the gayest colour ever in your opinion? (LILAC! Pink just

oozes manliness.)

Fourteenthly, why does Yylfordt bother you? I mean, he's a Fraccion, you're an

Espada, you couldda just killed him by now...

Fifteenthly, WHEN THE F*CK ARE YOU GONNA REVEAL YOUR TATTOO PLACEMENT?!

Love, your slightly insane fangirl x

_Szayel says: _*sweatdropping* Uh… fifteen questions? I didn't expect this. It looks like someone's trying to make up for not reviewing last chapter… Anyways, read with care!

Firstly: Hm? Those? Oh yes, those. Yes. Yes I have. But, if you don't mind me asking, which species did you have in mind? Because, you see, I've dissected _so many _species… *evil grin*

Secondly: I'd think even humans would take a hint by now…

Thirdly: **Umm… excuse us! Lumina and Verona here! We're going to be answering your question, because for some reason Szayel-sama's really angry and so has released his magnificent Fornicaras. He's currently in his training room which is rarely visited killing off some of his useless specimen.**

**And so it happens that we get to finally make our debut!**

**Oh, anyways, the answer.**

**Hmmm, Lumina, do you think he might eat us for answering****? **_**No, Verona, I think he'd rather lock us up with 'that' again.**_

**Anyways, we proudly present the answer:**___**It's (probably) Yammy!**_

Fourthly: Hm, there box next to the third question is checked… oh, well, I probably answered it in my sleep or something. And, no, I don't go around eating dog biscuits. Ulquiorra Schiffer does. (You know, seeing as how he _is _Aizen's dog…)

Fifthly: Game console? I've never heard of that.

Sixthly: …

Seventhly: Slowly. Oh yes, verrry slowly.

Eighthly: …the first one?

Ninthly: Oh, I love answering these questions! Alright then, starting from the Primera, his favorite game is, surprise surprise, the sleeping game! Then Barragan likes hopscotch, only he sits his unroyal ass on that giant chair and has his Fraccion jump. I think he's depressed because of how fat assed he is.

Harribel likes… uh… well, I don't know what Harribel likes. She's always so to herself and all that, and any bugs I plant in her room are mysteriously short-circuited…

Ulquiorra will like any game Aizen tells him to, but I think he nurtures a secret passion from Sudoku. I don't know why.

Nnoitra likes killing people. What else can he like? That, and Fraccion abuse while secretly liking said Fraccion. Like I always say, he's as gay as a cucumber.

Grimmjow. Ah, the ever temperamental Grimmjow. He likes Chinese Checkers, and blowing up holes in said Chinese Checkers.

What can I say about Zommari? He's your usual stick-up-the-ass politician-type. He must have definitely been Nelson Mandela on Earth. Wait, that means Nelson is so under popular that no shinigami tried to purify him. Damn racists.

Aaroniero likes bugging me. It's his only hobby. The dream that he dreams at night, the vision he aspires to be in the day.

Yammy is a blockhead, and predictably, he likes building blocks!

Tenthly: I may just kill myself now.

Eleventh: Fairies. I've never dissected a fairy until now. If they exist, hell yes for fairies.

Twelfth: I'm with you on Team Twilightsucks! Seriously, to, for lack of a better word, _sparkle, _the stupid fools would need phosphorus! In their skin! Ridiculous!

Thirteenth: I'm not sure in which sense you mean the word _gayest. _I'm taking it in the Queen Victoria sense. And so, the answer to that is red! Beautiful, jagged, jarring red!

Fourteenthly: Kill him! Kill him! I can't believe you would suggest something like that! Killing him is taking the easy way out! And I _never _take the easy way out…

Fifteenthly: … Okay, someone PMSing here…

And so, on to the next question!

_Peridot0814 asks: Dear Szayel-san,  
You're hot. Feel free to experiment on my body ;D  
Anyways, my question to you is : Are you an ass guy or a breast guy?_

_Szayel says: _Very charming and all that, but before I answer that, here's my question to you: do I really need to answer that?

_Think About It asks: _

_Think about it:1. So Aizen creates the espada uniforms with the hokyoku and  
just chooses whatever he thinks would look good on them, right? I think that  
was said in the anime at one point.. so any way, don't you ever think it's  
kind of awkward to think that Aizen chose all those skimpy outfits for people?  
Don't you find it a little creepy?_

2. What are your views on the theory that Aizen was just using all of you to  
train the shinigami for the weird quincy guys in the Final Arc?

3. What are your views on the theory that Ichigo's mother may have been a  
quincy, and that he may be Ishida Uryu's cousin? Does it make you want to  
dissect him? (I sincerely hope so, because at this point I kind of want to at  
least run a DNA test.)

4. HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL TO ANSWER  
THESE QUESTIONS?!

_Szayel says: _Alright, before I start answering those extra-large sized questions, I'll make one thing clear: Since I can't be saying Think About It all the time (I'm not fond of looking stupid) you're Tai.

So, question 1. Dear, lovely Tai. Have I _ever _said, in anything canon or non-canon, that Aizen was a pleasure to be around? He's the creepiest of all my specimens. (Not that I've experimented on him. Sad. Very.)

Question 2: I reserve comment! Aizen is a creepy, creepy bastard. If he found out what I was doing here, he'd come for me in a flash. To _exterminate_ me.

Question 3: You want to know what I think? I think that Quincy is a distorted, wacked, twisted, mental _thing, _and the Substitute may or may not be related to him. That question is up for debate. As to Kurosaki Ichigo's mother, I might just resurrect Grand Fisher and have a little harmless chat with that one…

Oh, and, yes, I want to dissect them ALL!

4. I am Szayel Aporro Granz. That's enough of an answer to warrant this.

_Reduce-the-damage asks: Back again with more awesome questions:_

1. How do you feel about people cosplaying as you?

2. If you had to give up something of yours for a day what would it be and  
why?

3. Do you have dolls of Lumina and Verona and do they know about it?

4. If you could work anywhere, where would it be?

5. Do you really hate humans, what if some were admiring you?

6. Whats the proper way for swallowing a sword?

7. When it comes to looks, which do you like better your base (normal form) or  
release.

8. What do you do to keep your self in shape for fighting, as far as  
exercizes?

do you like to speak more, japanese or english?

10. What would I have to do to get my hair styled like yours?

11. When did your fascination with makeup come about?

12. Whats the most memorable quote you can remember you saying throughout your  
life?

13. If there was one law you could make or a change to Las Noches, what would  
it be and why?

14. If you had to be shipped with someone would you go along with it, or would  
you just rather be shipped with yourself?

15. Lastly, was the song pink dedicated to science, or just a random song you  
wrote in your free time?

_Szayel says: _*sweatdropping* I seem to be really famous nowadays…

Question 1: I don't like it. Very flattering and all that other stuff, but it just doesn't go down well with me.

Question 2: That depends on if I would really _have _to, but if I did then it would probably be Lumina and Verona.

Question 3: No. No. Just… no.

Question 4: A lab. Anyone with half a brain would get that.

Question 5: I have never, ever said that I hate humans. I really like them. I mean, no humans = no hollows. And some of those humans (like my very persistent fangirl, who was the first to review my last chapter) are really quite bearable.

Question 6: … Well, that wasn't expected. You should ask Hannah Annafellows. It's her area of expertise. (A/N: Did you get that Kuroshitsuji reference?!)

Question 7: I prefer my released form (though the wings are verrrry difficult to squeeze through doors). It's a lot more beautiful when I'm not trying to kill me some annoying Quincy.

Question 8: Well, I _try _to train for like three hours or so every morning, but it's not my fault if I forget! Sadly, I have the average scientist problem. I love my experiments too much…

Question 9: I don't think I have a mother tongue (hmm… what could I call it? Nochish like Spanish? Or Noch like French? Or maybe Nochlish?) so I'll just say that I speak Spanish, Japanese, and English all perfectly well, and don't like any one more than the other (though English is way easier to learn).

Question 10: You can't do it. It's copyrighted. I will personally sue you if you try. (AND IT'S NOT DYED, PEOPLE!)

Question 11: *_skin turns white as hell* _Lumina… Verona… it seems we have a volunteer for the dissection program…

Question 12: Hmm… let's see… Oh, right, I think it would probably be: "_Inferior beings such as yourselves irritating me to this extent and even forcing me to fight you at full strength. That is the very definition of a "bad joke". _I felt really cool when I said that. Ah, gone are the days…

Question 13: I would add a law of Szayel's greatness. Oh yes, that I would…

Question 14: I don't mind being shipped with people as long as it's not in real life… Some of your people's views on my relationships are really astounding… I'd like to see more of them.

Question 15: It was quite obviously something that was forced down my throat by a certain someone. I did not write that. Repeat. _Did not. _Comprendo?

_Strawberry Shortcake lover asks: OH MY GOD! I am a huge fan of yours Szayel 8D I LOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!_

Ok,here are some questions:

1)Since when do you sing?

2)Do you KNOW that you have a BEAUTIFUL voice?

3)Do you remember your mother?

4)I LOOVE YOU! XD

5)Why are you so skinny?

6)Will you teach me science?

7)How are you? XP

8)Again...I LOVE YOU! *kisses*

See you soon! 3

_Szayel says: _Well, it's very pleasant to know I'm still popular. Sometimes I feel so underappreciated….

So, number one, I was boreeeeeeed. To death. So I thought I'd give my lovely fangirls and of course, even my fanboys (hey, I've nothing against gay people) a treat. Like it?

2) Well, I guess that answers my earlier question! Thank you for the compliment! Really, you don't know how gratifying it is…

3) No. Hollows don't have mothers! Do you think I would've been this strong if some woman had to keep feeding me all the time?

4) Not a question, but I love to hear people say that.

5) Hey. Ichimaru Gin is skinnier that I am. And nobody asks _him _why.

6) Of course. I have no objection to helping my fans (did that sound boy scout or what).

7) Fine ever since I started answering this… my dear, lovely strawberry!

8) Thank you… *wipes tear from eye* no, I'm not crying. My eye decided to take a leak. Sooooo not my fault.

I'll look forward to seeing you as well!

And now then, thank you all, and I hope you'll keep talking to poor ol' lonely me…

**A/N: I'd like to make it clear that I am in no way trying to be racist here. In fact, I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE! Go Tousen and Zommari and all other black people!**


	10. Questions 19-22

**A/N: Hi everyone, I just realized that readers, especially ones who read on outdated, sucky phones (like I do) might be having a hard time scrolling up to the question, then down to the answer, and likewise, so I'll be putting the question, and then the answer right below it. Any messages to Szayel-chan will be posted as usual =)**

**PS: Bold is me, Italic is you, and normal is Szayel**

_Strawberry Shortcake asks: Me again and let me starts this by telling you how sexy you are._

Thank you! That's a very good way to begin your question!

_1)Which do you prefer more?Chemistry or biology?_

Uhm… biology maybe? I like both of them the same actually…

_2)Who from the espadas you hate most._

Let's see... how about ALL OF THEM?

_3)What kind of a tea you love?_

I don't like tea. Tea is horrible. Tea is something that even Aizen has fallen prey to. IT'S GOING TO DOMINATE THE WORLD SOMEDAY!

_4)Again,and I repeat...LOOOVE YOOUU!_

Thank you, darling. I really can't get enough I Love You's nowadays.

_5)Is pink your favorite color,cause it's mine._

Yup! Pink is the essence of censored science!

_6)How things been lately my dear Szayel?_

Well, actually, not very good. Aizen made me pack up some of my experiments ("offense to life" he said… YEAH RIGHT), and then Ulquiorra has to drop in every now and then to make sure I'm not continuing and, so that means Yammy follows him, which means GOODBYE TO MY LAB…

_7)Can I have your voice? :p just kidding!Man,whenever I listen to it I melt!_

Thank you again! I didn't really think this many people would like my voice!

_That's it for am not bugging ya ;) Again (can't help myself) I LOOOVE YOOUU!_

_*kisses and hugs*_

_Someone asks: :Dear Szayel-san,_

_First off, YES you have to answer that :D. Segundo pregunta, when you use Fornicas' Gabriel, why arent you born through a vagina like any other normal person? I mean, yeah, you ARE part hollow and everything, but does that mean all of your kind are born through the mouth? Also, has anyone ever told you that your hair resembles bubble gum to some extent?_

_Szayel says: _First off, no I am NOT answering that. I have a RIGHT to my PRIVACY.

Secondly, Part Hollow? Since when was I a hybrid? But anyways, to answer that, can you imagine WHAT THE HELL might have happened if my opponent would have been a man.

You see? So I took the safe way and decided that, since everyone has a mouth, why not put it to some good use now… *intensely evil laugh*

REALLY? MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE BUBBLEGUM? Oh dear, my hair looks like bubblegum… what shall I do? Oh all that be holy, descend, and prove to thou misguided babes that my hair be not of bubblegum!

_ThreadsToFeathers asks: OMG, it's our favorite scientist! Mayuri is DAMN creppeh. Shinra from Durarara! just ain't epic or beautiful enough. Don't get me started with all of them OTHER scientists... I LOVE YOU, YOU UNAPPRECIATED BASTARD. XD Anyways, now with that out of the way..._

I KNOW, right? Mayuri's a threat to all! He should be locked up and- oh waut, he _was._

_1) I saw your duet with Grimmjow. You two did a really freaking good job at singing Sangeshitsu. I didn't think it was possible, but now I love you more! Do you take vocal lessons?_

No vocal lessons. That was me, me and me only, through and through. And, just for your info, I had some girl come up to me and think that Grimmjow and Ii sang that song for EACH OTHER… I had wicked nightmares for weeks later…

_2) Why are people so obsessed with your number..? It's your number, you can display or hide it if you wish. I mean, we don't need to know EVERYTHING. And this little mystery makes you even more intriguing than you already are!_

You know what? I think, instead of answering that question with lots of words, I'll tell you this: I LOVE YOU.

_3) Do you also think that Aizen should ban Noitra from drinking milk? I mean, the guy's TALL._

Definitely, Nnoitra should be banned from drinking milk, hanging on poles and the other stuff. It's a HUGE pain in the ass to keep customizing weapons to his size~ (and yes, I made that lovely weapon he uses)

_4) Do you know why so many people seem to have overbite? Nnoitra, Shinji, Mayuri..._

Hmmm… you know, that's actually a really good point. I should have that researched…

_5) Who or what was your favorite test subject?_

Favorite test subject? Let's see… Hougyoku… Nnoitra, Mayuri… hmm, well, I can't seem to pick any favorites. Maybe I will when I get to separate Aizen's flesh from his bones!

_6) Why are you so awesome?!_

Oh, really, you shouldn't butter me up like that… I might become vain, you know…

_7) Why's Gin so skinny, now that you mention it? Does he have, like, diet TEA?_

If I wanted to know that, it'd be at the risk of my life.

_8) I also watched the video of you singing Alones. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ORIGINAL. Your voice. Just-your voice. It isn't just loved... it IS love! That being said, who is YOUR favorite Japanese singer?_

My favorite singer? I like (somewhat) the GazettE, I guess…

_9) Have you ever thought of Diet Coke and Mento(s)-ing someone in the face?_

Lots of times. Oh, lots and lots of times…

_10) Have you ever tried feeding Ulquiorra dog biscuits, or is that something he only alows with Aizen? He's obsessed..._

If I tried to do that, I'd be dog biscuit shaped in three seconds.

_11) Favorite pastry?_

Umm… strawberry?

_12) What is the texture of your Fraccion when you eat 'em? I've been so curious..._

Like I said, they're basically purple rice cakes. Ii wish I could have made them pinker…

_13) Can ALL Espada sing? I just got done watching a whole ton of videos they had. They're pretty dang good, if I say so myself(you are still my fav! You should sing more.) Hell, I even watched GIN singing! It's kinda dorky sounding, though. It's like he's saying "I'm dead now... Left everyone behind... Failed in my greatest mission... Oh well. :p *whistles*"_

Every Espada can sing, though it's not always pleasant to hear… and of course that IS what Gi would sing. What else did you think he would sing about? "Oh smile, it makes the world a better place" or something like that?

_14) Have you or any of the other Espada ever had a pet... Oh, I forgot what they're called. "Minihollow", the ones that feed off of the spirit particles in the air? Like that Bawabawa thing, except perhaps smaller... ;_

Not me. But I'm not very sure about Zommari. Or anyone else for that matter.

_15) Why does Aizen become more powerful everytime he is pretty much bitch-slapped?_

Aizen is a wacked, out of this world, twisted existence. If you put a crab in a jar, it won't stop trying to climb up… only in this case, Aizen DID climb out. (Oh, and PS: I LOVE watching Aizen get bitch-slapped!)

_Again, we loves yous! That's quite a few questions..._

_My insane fangirl asks: thank you Lumina and Verona X) hehehehe xD_

_WELL._

_Firstly, take a guess how many questions I'm gonna give you._

Eh- fifteen?

_Secondly, do you really like Yammy like that? x_x I hope not._

What reason have I EVER given ANYBODY to say that I like YAMMY?

_Thirdly, this question has been bugging me for a while... In a yaoi porno starring Grimmjow and Nnoitra, who would be seme? x_x I don't like this couple, actually I find it kind of gross. But I was curious._

…

_Fourthly, Nnoi-kun belongs with Neliel They're perfect for eachother. Could you tell him that and tell me his response please?_

Right, I did, and Nnoitra says th- _**Hey, you mother****ing woman! Don't go asking questions about me to this twisted, ****ing ass of a scientist! As to Neliel, she is the most INFURIATING, DISGUSTING, MANICAL, IDIOTIC, EFFING B*T*H you will EVER come across! Got that? **_

_Fifthly, I've got a cold. And it sucks. : Have you ever had a cold? Or any other kind of sickness for that matter?_

Nobe. (Exguse me, I gan't speag broberly right now, Nnoitra's somehow brogen my nose)

_Sixthly, what was your last dream?_

No dreams.

_Seventhly, your biggest nightmare?_

Diddn't I say somewhere here already? It was of me and The Man Whose Name Begins With A G and Ends With A W And Somehow Reminds Me Of The Grim Reaper Going For A Jog.

_Eighthly, please tell me where your tattoo is ._. pretty, pretty, absolutely beautiful amazing gorgeous please?_

Nope.

_Ninethly, HAVE YOU SEEN GANGNAM STYLE?!_

Nope.

_Tenthly, CAN YOU DO THAT INCREDIBLY AWESOME DANCE?!_

I can do _any _awesome dance better than the dancer can do it.

_Eleventhly, I love you ._._

I have a lot of fans, how gratifying… I love you all as well!

_Twelvthly, you have eight seconds to name as many trees as you can. GO!_

Uhhh, pine, apple, banana and… that's it?

_Thirteenthly, what does your bedroom look like?_

I use my lab for a house.

_Fourteenthly, if you could ask me any question what would it be?_

Let's see, I'd ask you if… you were single.

_Fifteenthly, why are you scared of Aizen? X)_

That man could make a pink omlette served sunny side up, chewed on, spit out, and then served cold out of me. Who's _not _afraid of him?

_Sixteenthly, do Hollows ever need to pee? o-O_

Yes.

_Seventeenthly, marry me ._._

I WOULD do that, only I'd be letting down my hundreds of other fangirls ;) And I can't do that now, can I?

_Eighteenthly, your favourite... COUNTRY!?_

Uhm, Spain?

_Nineteenthly, is it possible for Hollows to develop emotions?_

We already experience them, love… You need a brain and not a heart for that…

_Twentiethly, is twentiethly even a real word?_

Nope.

_Twentyonethly, do you know how amazing you are? *O*_

Well, how amazing I am is only how amazing you think I am. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and so on…

_Twentytwoethly, what's the last thing you've given up on?_

Splitting Aizen's face in two. (And trying to sneak laxatives in his tea)

_Twentythreethly, do Hollows ever sleep?_

Umm… have you ever heard of someone called Starrk?

_Twentyfourethly, who would you like to kill right now?_

If you can, please KILL. NNOITRA.

_Twentyfivethly, do you find me annoying? ._._

That wouldn't happen in twenty blue moons.

_Twentysixethly, what is your honest opinion of me?_

Hyper. Pure and pure hyper.

_I can't think of any other questions right now so I'm simply gonna say I LOVEE YOOOU and go :3 good whatevertimeofdayitisforyour ightnow_

And, so, everybody, let me thank you for your interest it humble ol' me. Bye!


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